Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Worst Sales Pitch Ever

"You need to do this. You need to do this right now. If you don't bad things will happen."

"But I just came in to look around and maybe test drive a new one."

"Time for test drives is over. Listen, we close the doors in an hour and then I go on summer vacation. It could be a whole month before you get out of the one you are in now."

"Dude, I really don't have a problem with the one I have now. I just heard some things about the new one and wanted to check it out for myself."

"Friend . . . I only say that because even though I've only known you for ten minutes I consider you one of my friends, by the way, what did you say your name was? We need it spelled correctly too so we can put it on the contracts."

"Whoa! Just a second, I ain't signing anything!"

"Listen friend . . . Listen. It is way past the time to be checking it out for yourself. Plenty of experts have already checked it out and signed off on it and it's not like you are an expert on this stuff so trust me when I tell you that you have to trust them."

"That doesn't sound right. I mean, I heard they just came out with this last week. Can I talk to a manager?"

"He's not here right now. . . . but you are already talking to the only guy who will ever matter when it comes to this decision and my friend, you have only one choice here."

"Yes, you are right . . . "

"See, I knew you were a reasonable sort of fellow . . . "

". . . and that's the choice to leave right now."

"Whoa! C'mon now! That wouldn't be very friendly of you. That would be downright un-American to act that way."

"Seriously! What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm just saying. And questioning me, well, that's even more un-American."

"Dude! At first you were being kind of pushy but now you are becoming insulting."

"Listen to me and let me be perfectly clear: you don't want to say these things. You don't want to act this way. There are cameras and microphones all over this place and they are watching you and hearing what you are saying. That's not a good thing for you if you decide to act this way. Trust me. I am a good guy . . . like you. We were both thrown into this. I just inherited this situation. I have to deal with the hand that I've been dealt. Please don't make me out to be the bad guy. It's them. They put us both in this situation together. We've got to stick together and we've got to do something and do it right away."

"What are you talking about? Who’s this ‘they’ you speak of?"

"I'm talking about keeping your hope alive. I am talking about change you can believe in. These are scary times and you don't want to go it alone. You don't want to be on the side of the losers. You want to be in this with me."

"What does that have to do with my decision about this? My decision to leave right now and think about this a little more?"

"Whoa! Hold on friend. Let's just slow it down now. We don't need any knee jerk reactions. You're just reacting to all their scare tactics."

"But you are the one who was in a hurry."

"No. THEY ARE. They are hurrying both of us and using their scare tactics and lies and confusing you with arguments about things that don't matter."

"You mean like how much it will cost. Because frankly, I don't even know if I can afford it right now. Aren't you even the least bit concerned if I can pay for it."

"Don't worry about that. Most can't and besides, it's not like you can afford to not do it. Doing nothing would be far more expensive."

"How do you figure? You know nothing about me and what I pay. And actually, I just made my last payment so I am good for another month. I'm really in no hurry and I'd like to check out what they are offering over there across the . . . "

"NOOOooooooo. I forbid it."


"Friend, stop asking all of your annoying questions and just go with me on this!"

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